diff --git a/.gitignore b/.gitignore
index fc8c6db8dff7f..b41f7486ccee8 100644
--- a/.gitignore
+++ b/.gitignore
@@ -138,6 +138,7 @@
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/unicode-display_width-*/
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/unparser-*/
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/uri_template-*/
+**/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/vernier-*/
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/webrobots-*/
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/yard-*/
 **/vendor/bundle/ruby/*/gems/yard-sorbet-*/
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile b/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile
index 245ce7cf1a5f7..d12460c39dd55 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile
@@ -41,6 +41,7 @@ end
 group :prof, optional: true do
   gem "ruby-prof", require: false
   gem "stackprof", require: false
+  gem "vernier", require: false
 end
 group :pry, optional: true do
   gem "pry", require: false
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile.lock b/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile.lock
index 3d89ee214e1fa..22f199e2a5063 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile.lock
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/Gemfile.lock
@@ -153,6 +153,7 @@ GEM
       unf_ext
     unf_ext (0.0.9.1)
     unicode-display_width (2.5.0)
+    vernier (1.0.1)
     warning (1.3.0)
     yard (0.9.36)
     yard-sorbet (0.8.1)
@@ -201,6 +202,7 @@ DEPENDENCIES
   spoom
   stackprof
   tapioca
+  vernier
   warning
   yard
   yard-sorbet
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb b/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
index c0389d60efacf..4965b8d6220ec 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/dev-cmd/prof.rb
@@ -12,6 +12,8 @@ class Prof < AbstractCommand
         EOS
         switch "--stackprof",
                description: "Use `stackprof` instead of `ruby-prof` (the default)."
+        switch "--vernier",
+               description: "Use `vernier` instead of `ruby-prof` (the default)."
 
         named_args :command, min: 1
       end
@@ -39,17 +41,26 @@ def run
         Homebrew.setup_gem_environment!
 
         if args.stackprof?
+          # odeprecated. vernier is better in every way
           with_env HOMEBREW_STACKPROF: "1" do
             system(*HOMEBREW_RUBY_EXEC_ARGS, brew_rb, *args.named)
           end
           output_filename = "prof/d3-flamegraph.html"
           safe_system "stackprof --d3-flamegraph prof/stackprof.dump > #{output_filename}"
+          exec_browser output_filename
+        elsif args.vernier?
+          output_filename = "prof/vernier.json"
+          Process::UID.change_privilege(Process.euid) if Process.euid != Process.uid
+          safe_system "vernier", "run", "--output=#{output_filename}", "--allocation_sample_rate=500", "--",
+                      RUBY_PATH, brew_rb, *args.named
+          ohai "Profiling complete!"
+          puts "Upload the results from #{output_filename} to:"
+          puts "  #{Formatter.url("https://vernier.prof")}"
         else
           output_filename = "prof/call_stack.html"
           safe_system "ruby-prof", "--printer=call_stack", "--file=#{output_filename}", brew_rb, "--", *args.named
+          exec_browser output_filename
         end
-
-        exec_browser output_filename
       rescue OptionParser::InvalidOption => e
         ofail e
 
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi
index 119a8ff0f3b6f..b039be17b43ee 100644
--- a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/dsl/homebrew/dev_cmd/prof.rbi
@@ -13,4 +13,7 @@ end
 class Homebrew::DevCmd::Prof::Args < Homebrew::CLI::Args
   sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
   def stackprof?; end
+
+  sig { returns(T::Boolean) }
+  def vernier?; end
 end
diff --git a/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/gems/vernier@1.0.1.rbi b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/gems/vernier@1.0.1.rbi
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000000..d9cbf37f23514
--- /dev/null
+++ b/Library/Homebrew/sorbet/rbi/gems/vernier@1.0.1.rbi
@@ -0,0 +1,570 @@
+# typed: true
+
+# DO NOT EDIT MANUALLY
+# This is an autogenerated file for types exported from the `vernier` gem.
+# Please instead update this file by running `bin/tapioca gem vernier`.
+
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/version.rb#3
+module Vernier
+  class << self
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#17
+    def profile(mode: T.unsafe(nil), **collector_options); end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#17
+    def run(mode: T.unsafe(nil), **collector_options); end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#38
+    def start_profile(mode: T.unsafe(nil), **collector_options); end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#50
+    def stop_profile; end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#17
+    def trace(mode: T.unsafe(nil), **collector_options); end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#59
+    def trace_retained(**profile_options, &block); end
+  end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#7
+class Vernier::Collector
+  # @return [Collector] a new instance of Collector
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#8
+  def initialize(mode, options = T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#50
+  def add_marker(name:, start:, finish:, thread: T.unsafe(nil), phase: T.unsafe(nil), data: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # Get the current time.
+  #
+  # This method returns the current time from Process.clock_gettime in
+  # integer nanoseconds.  It's the same time used by Vernier internals and
+  # can be used to generate timestamps for custom markers.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#46
+  def current_time; end
+
+  # Record an interval with a category and name.  Yields to a block and
+  # records the amount of time spent in the block as an interval marker.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#62
+  def record_interval(category, name = T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  def sample; end
+  def stack_table; end
+  def start; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#75
+  def stop; end
+
+  private
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/collector.rb#31
+  def add_hook(hook); end
+
+  def finish; end
+  def markers; end
+
+  class << self
+    def _new(_arg0, _arg1); end
+
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#64
+    def new(mode, options = T.unsafe(nil)); end
+  end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier.rb#13
+class Vernier::Error < ::StandardError; end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks.rb#4
+module Vernier::Hooks; end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#5
+class Vernier::Hooks::ActiveSupport
+  # @return [ActiveSupport] a new instance of ActiveSupport
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#155
+  def initialize(collector); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#182
+  def disable; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#159
+  def enable; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#187
+  def firefox_marker_schema; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#6
+Vernier::Hooks::ActiveSupport::FIREFOX_MARKER_SCHEMA = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Array)
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/hooks/active_support.rb#148
+Vernier::Hooks::ActiveSupport::SERIALIZED_KEYS = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Hash)
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/marker.rb#6
+module Vernier::Marker
+  class << self
+    # Return an array of marker names.  The index of the string maps to the
+    # value of the corresponding constant
+    #
+    # source://vernier//lib/vernier/marker.rb#34
+    def name_table; end
+  end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/marker.rb#13
+Vernier::Marker::MARKER_STRINGS = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Array)
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/marker.rb#7
+Vernier::Marker::MARKER_SYMBOLS = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Array)
+
+module Vernier::Marker::Phase; end
+Vernier::Marker::Phase::INSTANT = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Phase::INTERVAL = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Phase::INTERVAL_END = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Phase::INTERVAL_START = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+module Vernier::Marker::Type; end
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_END_MARK = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_END_SWEEP = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_ENTER = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_EXIT = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_PAUSE = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GC_START = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GVL_THREAD_EXITED = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::GVL_THREAD_STARTED = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::THREAD_RUNNING = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::THREAD_STALLED = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+Vernier::Marker::Type::THREAD_SUSPENDED = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), Integer)
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/middleware.rb#2
+class Vernier::Middleware
+  # @return [Middleware] a new instance of Middleware
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/middleware.rb#3
+  def initialize(app, permit: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/middleware.rb#8
+  def call(env); end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#7
+module Vernier::Output; end
+
+# https://profiler.firefox.com/
+# https://github.com/firefox-devtools/profiler/blob/main/src/types/profile.js
+#
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#10
+class Vernier::Output::Firefox
+  # @return [Firefox] a new instance of Firefox
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#88
+  def initialize(profile); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#93
+  def output(gzip: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  private
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#106
+  def data; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#151
+  def marker_schema; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute profile.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#104
+  def profile; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#11
+class Vernier::Output::Firefox::Categorizer
+  # @return [Categorizer] a new instance of Categorizer
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#13
+  def initialize; end
+
+  # @yield [category]
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#43
+  def add_category(name:, **kw); end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute categories.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#12
+  def categories; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#64
+  def categorize(path); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#60
+  def gem_path(*names); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#52
+  def get_category(name); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#56
+  def starts_with(*paths); end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#68
+class Vernier::Output::Firefox::Categorizer::Category
+  # @return [Category] a new instance of Category
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#70
+  def initialize(idx, name:, color:, matcher: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#78
+  def add_subcategory(**args); end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute color.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#69
+  def color; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute idx.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#69
+  def idx; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute matcher.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#69
+  def matcher; end
+
+  # @return [Boolean]
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#82
+  def matches?(path); end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute name.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#69
+  def name; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute subcategories.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#69
+  def subcategories; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#206
+class Vernier::Output::Firefox::Thread
+  # @return [Thread] a new instance of Thread
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#209
+  def initialize(ruby_thread_id, profile, categorizer, name:, tid:, samples:, weights:, markers:, started_at:, timestamps: T.unsafe(nil), sample_categories: T.unsafe(nil), stopped_at: T.unsafe(nil), allocations: T.unsafe(nil), is_main: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#373
+  def allocations_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#301
+  def data; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#280
+  def filter_filenames(filenames); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#454
+  def frame_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#478
+  def func_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#333
+  def markers_table; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute profile.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#207
+  def profile; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#392
+  def samples_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#429
+  def stack_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#503
+  def string_table; end
+
+  private
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#509
+  def gc_category; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/firefox.rb#513
+  def thread_category; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/top.rb#5
+class Vernier::Output::Top
+  # @return [Top] a new instance of Top
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/top.rb#6
+  def initialize(profile); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/output/top.rb#10
+  def output; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#2
+class Vernier::Result
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#57
+  def each_sample; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#49
+  def elapsed_seconds; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute end_time.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#19
+  def end_time; end
+
+  # Sets the attribute end_time
+  #
+  # @param value the value to set the attribute end_time to.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#19
+  def end_time=(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#7
+  def frame_table; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#11
+  def func_table; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute hooks.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#17
+  def hooks; end
+
+  # Sets the attribute hooks
+  #
+  # @param value the value to set the attribute hooks to.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#17
+  def hooks=(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#53
+  def inspect; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#23
+  def main_thread; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute markers.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#15
+  def markers; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute meta.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#21
+  def meta; end
+
+  # Sets the attribute meta
+  #
+  # @param value the value to set the attribute meta to.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#21
+  def meta=(_arg0); end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute pid.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#19
+  def pid; end
+
+  # Sets the attribute pid
+  #
+  # @param value the value to set the attribute pid to.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#19
+  def pid=(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#30
+  def sample_categories; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#29
+  def samples; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#149
+  def stack(idx); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#3
+  def stack_table; end
+
+  # Realtime in nanoseconds since the unix epoch
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#33
+  def started_at; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute threads.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#20
+  def threads; end
+
+  # Sets the attribute threads
+  #
+  # @param value the value to set the attribute threads to.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#20
+  def threads=(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#40
+  def to_gecko(gzip: T.unsafe(nil)); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#153
+  def total_bytes; end
+
+  # TODO: remove these
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#28
+  def weights; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#44
+  def write(out:); end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#66
+class Vernier::Result::BaseType
+  # @return [BaseType] a new instance of BaseType
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#68
+  def initialize(result, idx); end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute idx.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#67
+  def idx; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#77
+  def inspect; end
+
+  # Returns the value of attribute result.
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#67
+  def result; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#73
+  def to_s; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#97
+class Vernier::Result::Frame < ::Vernier::Result::BaseType
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#99
+  def filename; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#102
+  def func; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#98
+  def label; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#107
+  def line; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#98
+  def name; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#111
+  def to_s; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#82
+class Vernier::Result::Func < ::Vernier::Result::BaseType
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#88
+  def filename; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#83
+  def label; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#83
+  def name; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#92
+  def to_s; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#116
+class Vernier::Result::Stack < ::Vernier::Result::BaseType
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#117
+  def each_frame; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#136
+  def frames; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#132
+  def leaf_frame; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#128
+  def leaf_frame_idx; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/result.rb#140
+  def to_s; end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/stack_table.rb#2
+class Vernier::StackTable
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/stack_table.rb#25
+  def backtrace(stack_idx); end
+
+  def current_stack(*_arg0); end
+  def frame_count; end
+  def frame_func_idx(_arg0); end
+  def frame_line_no(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/stack_table.rb#37
+  def full_stack(stack_idx); end
+
+  def func_count; end
+  def func_filename(_arg0); end
+  def func_first_lineno(_arg0); end
+  def func_name(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/stack_table.rb#3
+  def inspect; end
+
+  def stack_count; end
+  def stack_frame_idx(_arg0); end
+  def stack_parent_idx(_arg0); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/stack_table.rb#7
+  def to_h; end
+
+  class << self
+    def new; end
+  end
+end
+
+# Collects names of all seen threads
+#
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#3
+class Vernier::ThreadNames
+  # @return [ThreadNames] a new instance of ThreadNames
+  #
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#4
+  def initialize; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#12
+  def [](object_id); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#16
+  def finish; end
+
+  private
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#23
+  def collect_running; end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#29
+  def collect_thread(th); end
+
+  # source://vernier//lib/vernier/thread_names.rb#33
+  def pretty_name(thread); end
+end
+
+# source://vernier//lib/vernier/version.rb#4
+Vernier::VERSION = T.let(T.unsafe(nil), String)