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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?>
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<h3>CHAPTER TEN</h3>
</div>
<p align="center"><strong>SOME HUMOROUS ERRORS</strong></p>
<p class="j"> The shorthand publications,
the reports of the proceedings of the various reporters’ associations,
and even magazines and newspapers of general circulation, contain
numerous examples of the absurd mistakes made by. stenographers
in transcribing. In nearly every case the mistakes were due to the
omission of vowels, to the inability to distinguish between light
and heavy characters, or between large and small hooks; sometimes
to a combination of two or more of these. By far the most prolific
cause of misreadings is the omission of vowels.<br />
Most of the mistakes quoted in these
stories are ludicrous, and it is the custom to attribute them to
a lack of intelligence on the part of the stenographer. This is
not fair, as most of the mistakes are due to structural defects
in the system they use. It is impossible to endow a young stenographer
with the knowledge of language and the maturity of judgment, which
will enable her to tell which word out of a possible five, ten,
or even twenty words, represented by the same consonantal skeleton,
will best fit into the context.<br />
I am going to give some extracts from
articles on the subject, which I think will be of interest—and
a source of amusement. An article appeared in the Success magazine
some years ago under the title, “Some Stenographic Slips,”
which contained some delightful illustrations of the kind of mistakes
that are made on account of the lack of vowels in the outline:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> A certain man in New
York City gains his living by his pen, in sense, but not in fact;
for, while he is a writer for periodicals, he does not write.
He uses a typewriter in duality of being, a girl and a machine.
Some years of experience with the combination has resulted in
his acquiring the following:<br />
1. A sprinkle of hodden gray
in an otherwise russet head of hair.<br />
2. An active current account
in the pardonable department of the profanity section of the Recording
Angel’s Bureau.<br />
3. An unwholesome joy in “English
as she is born of stenographic notes.”<br />
4. A peculiar regard for the
young woman who advertises that she is “rapid, accurate,
and educated,” in a typewriting sense.<br />
In the earlier stages of his experience
he was amazed, indignant, irritated, and exasperated, by turns,
but in time he learned to accept the inevitable. Then began he
to keep a book, in which were recorded a few, a very few, of the
mistakes of his amanuenses. He became a philosopher, in order
to seek the cause of the effect. He found this course to be of
a double-headed sort, thus: (a) the basic defect of all systems
of stenography, and (b) the superficial education of the average
“graduate” of public or high schools linked to the
carelessness and ignorance that such an education breeds.<br />
As to the first, you are probably
aware that a stenographer, when “taking” dictation,
practically dispenses with the signs that stand for vowels, using
consonant signs only, thus getting a sort of skeleton outline
of the word. This is, as stated, a defect indeed.
The context, together with the position in which the word itself
is written in relation to the ruled lines in the notebook is supposed
to enable one to supply the missing vowels or make sense of the
word. Thus, in the word “success,” the stenographer
would use the consonantal outline, “S—K—S,”
writing, as she does, phonetically, or by sound. Now, if the sentence
you dictated to her ran, “The circulation of that popular
magazine ‘S—K—S,’ is increasing rapidly,”
the identity of the needed vowels would be apparently obvious,
thanks to the context—that is, obvious to a stenographer
of an intelligent sort. But, as “S—K—S”
is also the consonantal outline for <em>sikhs</em>, <em>socks</em>,
<em>seeks</em>, <em>sucks</em>, <em>skies</em>, and so forth,
you are very likely to read that “that popular magazine
‘Socks,’ is increasing, etc.”<br />
Now for the extracts from the book,
and let it be said that they are given precisely as they came
to the man, hot from the typewriter roller. There has been no
pruning, adorning, or marring.<br />
“The far-off summons of the
matin bell,” was butchered thus: “The far of Simmons
of the mutton bill.”<br />
“The doctor looked grave as
the sick child stirred uneasily on her crib,” was rendered,
“The dear looked grief as the sick child stared uneasily
at the crab.”<br />
“The beating that Ericsson
had given Karl was wasted on the latter,” was ingeniously
mutilated thus: “The batting that Ericsson had given Karl
was waist on the latter.” Karl was evidently bent on playing
Falstaff.<br />
Sometimes the apparent sense of
the mis-sense of the thing is charming. For instance doesn’t
“The litter that was the outcome of the pen, etc.,”
suggest the old farmyard with a bunch of squealing piglets escaping
from their ordained quarters? Yet the man, when he dictated, “The
letter was the outcome of the pen of, etc.,” had no thought
of pork within him. Or, again, “His career was to be thenceforward
as the path of an arrow in the direction of popular reform,”
was made to read, “His career was to be thenceforward as
the pith of marrow in the duration of popular reform.”<br />
This is one girl’s partial
record for one day. She left on the next, by the way. “Canterbury
bells,” was metamorphosed into “Canterbury balls,”
a most unusual print. “I will add up your account,”
came out, “I will do up your account,” which was enough
to alarm any honest debtor.<br />
“The deed shocked the nation
to the heart-core,” was what was said, and the typewriter
evolved, “The dead shocked the notion to the hard car.”
“The site of the mansion” was the intention, and,
“The sight of the mason,” the result. “Bills
of lading” were hardly recognizable as “balls of loading.”
“His heart was warmed by the glee,” was rendered,
“His heart was wormed by the glow.” “The rumor
was transient, though,” was hardly recognizable as “The
rammer was trains end through.” A rear-end collision was
evidently in that girl’s mind.<br />
“As manna fed the Jews,”
was ingeniously tortured by another young woman into, “As
mamma fed the jays.” Yet she was a Sunday-school teacher.<br />
When “The Battle of Waterloo,”
after going through the ordeal of the note-book and the machine,
came out as “The bottle of water l’eau,” the
man, astonished, determined on tracing the mental process by which
the stenographer had “arrived.” This is how she explained
herself: “Well, the outline of ‘ battle’ and
‘bottle’is the same, you know, and I just made it
out ‘bottle’; and, of course, when I saw water after
that, I was sure that bottle was right—water and bottle,
you know— and then I came to the ‘l’ sign that
was after the watet’, and I knew that there was a vowel
there and I couldn’t make it out until I remembered that
‘l’ with ‘eau’ after it is French for
water, and you know I learned French at High school, and so, as
water was the word before, I thought for sure that you meant ‘l’
with the ‘oo’ for ‘l’eau,’ the French
for water, and so I just wrote it that way.”<br />
“But,” said the man,
“the sentence reads, ‘The nearest historic parallel
is to be found in the situation that immediately preceded the
battle of Waterloo.’ Now in view of that sentence, oughtn’t
your common sense to have told you that I couldn’t possibly
have said ‘bottle of water l’eau?’”<br />
“I s’pose so,”
replied the high-school graduate, who had studied French, and
that was all she could offer in the way of explanation or defense.<br />
“Kine, knee-deep in fragrant
clover,” was cryptically rendered, “Keen no dip in
frogrent clever.” The perpetrator was on the eve of entering
one of the most famous women’s colleges in order to “complete
her education.” She attempted to condone the “keen,
etc.,” by explaining that she did not intend to become a
professional stenographer, anyway.<br />
“Plays, creeps, and laughs,
the innocent,” crooned the man, one day, mouthing the opening
lines of some projected baby verses. When the typewriter tapped
out, “ Plays craps, and leaves the innocent,” he scanned
her visage closely.<br />
He said, “The voice of Dr.
Jocelyn was heard calling for assistance,” and it came out,
“The vice of Dr. Josh Lane was hard killing four assistants.”<br />
As dictated it was, “The hollow
droning of the mill wheel.” As typewritten it was, “The
hollow draining of the mile whale,” which is a fairly big
contrast, by the way.<br />
When “But she held Jake too
dearly for that, and so —passed on,” was dictated,
and it came out, “But she held Jacks, two, drawing for that
and so passed, one,” would it have been unjust to credit
the girl at the machine with an elementary knowledge of gambling?<br />
“Dennis, let him have the
pass at cut rates,” was transformed into, “Dennis,
let him have the pass at cat rates.” When the man asked
her just what she meant by it, she frankly answered that she didn’t
know.<br />
Sometimes the stenographer adds
a word to the language that is strikingly reminiscent of “Alice
in Wonderland”—thus: “A mess of brains spread
like brown lace-work over the Klep-slap.” That it should
have been, “A mass of briars spread like brown lace over
the cliff-slope,” is neither here nor there. A girl who
could evoke “Klepslap” is capable of great things.
The man told her so when he discharged her, feeling, as he did
so, that the universal-language people needed her badly.<br />
The question of international alliances
must have been humming in the ears of the girl above the keys
when she caused “On account of this, Ethel’s life
was marred for all time,” to appear, “On a Count of
those, Ethel’s love was married for ill times.”<br />
Occasionally a new beast or bird
is discovered by the typewriter, thus: “The sea-quail was,
etc.,” the intention being, “The sequel was, etc.”
This was in line with a blunder made by the same girl, who avowed
that a “gull sunk the schooner,” instead of “a
gale.” On another occasion she declared that a pair of lovers
“hatched up a pretty squirrel,” instead of their having
“patched up a petty quarrel.”<br />
Having confessed that once upon
a time she had been a waitress in a popular restaurant, the reason
is clear why “Foist the males of the dynasty” was
clicked out, “First, the meals of the dinnersty.”
This sounds like a “made-up,” but it is a fearful
fact.<br />
“The President was heard with
acclaim,” dictated the man. “The present was hard
with clam,” was what the typewriter insisted he had said,
as she tearfully hunted for her notes.<br />
In some stenographic systems an
arbitrary sign may stand for one, two, or even three words.
Sometimes, the mistranslation of one of these signs leads to funny
results. For instance, it was toward the end of a love story,
and the girl was expressing herself as tired of her narrow round
of duties and wanting an opportunity in life. To this the
so-far-undeclared youth ought to have replied according to the
dictation of the man, “Alice, let me be your opportunity!”
But the grammalogues for “particular” and opportunity
‘were the same in the system used by the man’s stenographer,
and so she made Edwin plead, “Alice, let me be your particular.”<br />
Because of the droll typewritten
truth of the assertion that “He is the sawed-off man that
one instinctively books down upon,” the departure from the
original, which was, “He is the sort of man one instinctively
hooks down upon,” was forgiven.<br />
During a political campaign the man dictated,
“The chattering policy of the party is of an amazing sort.
Irresponsible talk seems to have taken the place of concerted
action, so far as the leaders are concerned.” But,
according to the typewriter, he had declared, “The chattering
Pollies of the party is of an amazing sort. Irresponsible
tick seems to have taken the place of concerted coin, as far as
the leaders are concerned.” He had to admit that his
employee had unknowingly written much truth.<br />
A bright-haired, bonnie-faced girl,
with a whole stack of diplomas and references, held a position
with the man for one day. Seventy times and seven, more or less,
did he forgive her blunders during that day; but when, toward
evening, he spake, “Fate creeps slowly along Time’s
corridorsj” and she made it appear, “Feet creep slyly
along Tom’s car-doors,” it was too much.<br />
In another instance it was announced
in reference to some of the stars of a metropolitan dog show,
that “The Italian greyhound is a dog of high degree.”
The man read that he had avowed that “The Italian greyhound
is a Dago of high dagger.” This, by the way, was an illustrative
instance of the manner in which the indifferent stenographer blunders
to a conclusion. Thus, “d—g” is the consonantal
outline for dog, dago, and several other words. “D—gr”
is the outline of degree, dagger, and lots of other things. Now,
a moment’s reflection in connection with the context would
have given the clue to the words that the outlines represented.
But she had been impressed with the word “Italian”
in the sentence. Now, “dago” being, in the vernacular,
an Italian, “d—g” was surely dago, and, as all
dagos are supposed to carry daggers, why, “d—gr”
was, of course, “dagger,” and there you are.</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="j"> In a paper read before
the New York State Stenographers’ Association in 1912, Mr.
J. D. Strachan (a Pitmanic writer) quoted some amusing blunders
that have occurred in the transcripts of stenographers and reporters
on both sides of the Atlantic. Here are some of them:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> An official note taker
in the law courts of England said that he dictated to one of his
assistants in the course of a speech these words: “Nature
is not so kind,” and the amanuensis turned in the transcript
with the passage thus: “Common sand is gone.”<br />
In a case a witness said: “The
pursuer came to my house and spoke to me on a Tuesday,”
which was reproduced, “The pursuer came to my house and
spoke to me on the outside.”<br />
A person was described by a witness
as ‘‘running up very heated.” This appeared
in the notes as “bareheaded.”<br />
The chairman of a well-known railway
happened to use the phrase, “attacking the traffic of other
companies,” which was rendered, “taking away the traffic
of other companies.<br />
Lord Beaconsfield said upon one
occasion, “Where his ashes repose.” “Where his
issue lives,” transcribed the phonographic but unmemoried
reporter. “Your application is based on two grounds,”
was transcribed “bad grounds.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p> In dictating to a stenographer a
synopsis of a case lawyer said:</p>
<blockquote>
<p> “Plaintiff was the owner
of a mill dam which supplies water with which to run a sawmill.
The defendant, a competing sawmill owner, had threatened to cut
the water from plaintiff’s mill dam and thus prevent him
from sawing logs with which to fill a certain order. Held, that
an injunction would lie.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p> This is the way it was transcribed:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> “Plaintiff was
the owner of a mule team which supplies power with which to run
a sawmill. The defendant, a competing sawmill owner, had threatened
to cut the halters from plaintiff’s mule team and thus prevent
him from sawing logs with which to fill a certain order. Held,
that an injunction would lie.”<br />
The stenographer explained that
the word signs for mill dam and mule team were similar, and, having
injected the mule team into the case, she was unable to understand
how cutting the water off from the mule team would interfere with
the running of the mules, so she concluded that instead of cutting
the water, it should be cutting the halters.<br />
In dictating a brief a lawyer referred
to “an anecdote.” The stenographer translated it into
“a nannygoat,” perhaps improving and certainly enlivening
the text.<br />
In Texas the order of the probate
court appointing an administrator (or administratrix, as the case
may be) usually reads: “It is ordered that upon the applicant,
John Doe, giving bond and taking the oath prescribed by law, that
betters testamentary or of administration issue,” etc.
A very dignified, but somewhat bashful lawyer, who was a somewhat
elderly bachelor, had for a client a wealthy and recently bereaved
widow. He also had an inexperienced stenographer.
The order of the court appointing his client administratrix of
her husband’s estate had been dictated and was lying on
the lawyer’s desk, he not having had time to look it over.
The client entered, and, seeing that the paper concerned her business,
picked it up and glanced over it. The attorney, who had
been occupied with some papers, turned to her just in time to
see her hastily lay the paper down, while an unmistakable blush
suffused her face, and she regarded him with a look of mingled
confusion and indignation. Completely mystified, he picked
up the offending instrument and to his horror read that: “It
is ordered by the court that upon the applicant, Mrs. Blank, giving
bond and taking a bath prescribed by law, letters of administration
shall issue.”<br />
A lawyer dictated a notice, in a
separate maintenance case, that he would move the court for a
rule on defendant to pay the plaintiff “temporary alimony
and suit money.” As the notice came from the machine
it read, “Temporary alimony and soup money.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>In the <em>Stenographer</em>, Mr. P. J. Sweeney gave the following:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> “Our pumps are
recommended as being absolutely useless (noiseless).”<br />
“In regard to the Kansas City
(capacity) of the pump.”<br />
“We cannot stand whipping
(consistently ship) the goods except C. O. D.”<br />
“We can loan to you upon no
(any) terms that will suit you.<br />
“Soul device (sole devisee)
under the last will and testament of Thomas White.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="j"> Some time ago Mr. E. A.
Cope gave an interesting account of the errors made in transcribing
which have come under his notice as shorthand examiner for the Society
of Arts:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> Proper names are troublesome
to beginners. Thompson has been rendered Adamson, Gauntlet transcribed
Connolly, Globe transformed to Club, and a letter dictated to
Mr. Warner, addressed by the dictatee to Mr. Marshall.<br />
In examining papers, one is sometimes
struck by the circumstance that several candidates stumble over
the same word, but stumble in different directions. Three transcripts
handed in at a speed examination were found to contain three different
blunders over the simple word “pledges.” The phrase
dictated was, “One of the pledges.” It was variously
transcribed, “One of the subjects,” “One of
the speeches,” “One of the privileges.” The
word “tapped” was similarly favored with three different
renderings, all of them wrong. One competitor made it “tacked,”
another “talked,” and a third “attacked.”
Two scribes misread the word “promoted.” One made
it “prompted” and the other turned it into “permitted.”
The word “events” was fatal to two more. One transcribed
it “visions,” and the other made “evidence”
of it.<br />
Here are a few specimens taken at
random from faulty transcripts: Salutation was transcribed salvation;
issue, as Ireland; ideas, as eye-sights; condemns, as admits;
minutes, as months; affection, as conviction; sober, as spirit;
shorter, as surer; praising, as personal; solution, as consolation;
dissolve as “do something”; animated as vaunted; tended,
as contended; played, as completed; right, as ready; amount, as
account; settlement, as statement; approach, as preach; notion,
as information; employed, as liable.<br />
Hasty writing and imperfection of form are responsible for the
conversion of “they were equal to” into “they
would stock to”; “see nothing for them except extinction”
got twisted into “I say nothing, for they expect extinction.“
The phrase “back him up” looked libelous in its transcribed
form, “take me up.” And the competitor who took down
“I appeal from Philip drunk to Philip sober” must
have been in some confusion as to Greek an~ Hebrew history, when
he wrote deliberately “appeal from Peter drunk to Peter
sober.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="j"> In a paper on “Shorthand and
English,” read before the Incorporated Phonographic Society,
London, Mr. J. E. McLachlan quoted many errors in the transcription
of a simple passage which was dictated at an examination of shorthand
teachers:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> “Permits and even promotes”
was transcribed “permits and even permits.” “The
means of production,” an expression that had been familiar
through all the years since the time of Mill, was frequently transcribed
“mines of production.” “Excess in the hands
of a small class” was transcribed in one instance “chaos
in the hands,” etc., and in another “access,”
etc. “Positive privation” was variously transcribed—once
as “paucity of provision”; “privation”
appeared also as “profession.” “Breeding”
in the expression, “the breeding of degenerate hordes”
was transcribed “brooding” and “breading.”
“Feudalism” was transcribed as “fatalism.”<br />
The report says that Mr. McLachlan
“reminded his hearers that the candidates were not students,
but candidates for the teachers’ diploma” and that
the test was the easiest one set.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This is taken from an address by Mr. J. N. Kimball to a class of
shorthand teachers:</p>
<blockquote>
<p class="j"> When I dictate something
about the “tales of the monks of ye olden time,” I
don’t like to find that I am mistaken and that it was monkeys
which had the tails, not the monks, just because the outlines
are alike.<br />
And when I write to some bereaved
friends and say things which I trust will “soften the force
of the blow,” I mildly expostulate when I find myself telling
them that “time will soften the fires of the below.”
And if I have occasion to rise in my wrath and tell some chap
that he is “no account,” it hurts my pride to find
that I have only intimated that he is “knock-kneed.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p class="j"> Anyone who has a knowledge
of the Pitmanic systems will recognize the reason for these errors.
<em>In nearly every case the error was due to the omission of the
vowels, to the inability to distinguish between light and heavy
characters or between large and small hooks.</em></p>
<p align="center">- <a href="basicp13.html">Chapter Eleven</a> -<br />
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<a href="anprface.html">Preface</a><br />
<a href="anaboutg.html">About Gregg Shorthand</a><br />
<a href="aneditor.html">Editor's Note</a><br />
<a href="antwtbgr.html">A Talk with the Beginner</a><br />
<a href="analphbt.html"> The Alphabet</a><br />
Chapter I<br />
<a href="anunit01.html">Unit 1</a><br />
<a href="anunit02.html">Unit 2</a><br />
<a href="anunit03.html">Unit 3</a><br />
Chapter II<br />
<a href="anunit04.html">Unit 4</a><br />
<a href="anunit05.html">Unit 5</a><br />
<a href="anunit06.html">Unit 6</a><br />
Chapter III<br />
<a href="anunit07.html">Unit 7</a><br />
<a href="anunit08.html">Unit 8</a><br />
<a href="anunit09.html">Unit 9</a><br />
Chapter IV<br />
<a href="anunit10.html">Unit 10</a><br />
<a href="anunit11.html">Unit 11</a><br />
<a href="anunit12.html">Unit 12</a><br />
Chapter V<br />
<a href="anunit13.html">Unit 13</a><br />
<a href="anunit14.html">Unit 14</a><br />
<a href="anunit15.html">Unit 15</a><br />
Chapter VI<br />
<a href="anunit16.html">Unit 16</a><br />
<a href="anunit17.html">Unit 17</a><br />
<a href="anunit18.html">Unit 18</a><br />
Chapter VII<br /> <a href="anunit19.html">Unit 19</a><br /> <a href="anunit20.html">Unit 20</a><br /> <a href="anunit21.html">Unit 21</a><br /> Chapter VIII<br />
<a href="anunit22.html">Unit 22</a><br />
<a href="anunit23.html">Unit 23</a><br />
<a href="anunit24.html">Unit 24</a><br />
Chapter IX<br />
<a href="anunit25.html">Unit 25</a><br />
<a href="anunit26.html">Unit 26</a><br />
<a href="anunit27.html">Unit 27</a><br />
Chapter X<br />
<a href="anunit28.html">Unit 28</a><br />
<a href="anunit29.html">Unit 29</a><br />
<a href="anunit30.html">Unit 30</a><br />
Chapter XI<br />
<a href="anunit31.html">Unit 31</a><br />
<a href="anunit32.html">Unit 32</a><br />
<a href="anunit33.html">Unit 33</a><br />
Chapter XII<br />
<a href="anunit34.html">Unit 34</a><br />
<a href="anunit35.html">Unit 35</a><br />
<a href="anunit36.html">Unit 36 </a>
<p><a href="anindex.html">Index</a></p>
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